I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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