we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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