I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
