I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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