literally had 100 drinks last night.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
