so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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