I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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