youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
