Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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