I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
