Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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