i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
