last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
