Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
