If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
