he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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