u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
