How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
