im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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