puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
