so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
