So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
