Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
