Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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