operation harelip BJ is a go
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
