Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
