Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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