you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Less talking, more tequila
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
