I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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