Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
