i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
