I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
