Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
