There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I skipped work to stalk him.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
