All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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