Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
