Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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