WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
