when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
