Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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