she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
