I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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