She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
