Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
