My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Pooping to opera.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
