guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
