the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
