I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
