You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
