i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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