He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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