my phone needs a breathalizer
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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